Jenny was being served her apple martini through the bartender just as the front window was shattered by a speeding Humvee in addition to Jenny was cast from her chair.
OR
The bartender was serving Jenny her apple martini equally as a speeding Humvee broken the front window along with threw Jenny from her stool.
Which often sentence jumps off the page Notice that I did not alter a single word aside from changing every verb from unaggressive to active tone of voice.
If you havent noticed those terms just before heres a simple definition- Passive voice definitely makes the subject into the passive object of the action-word. Active voice implies the subject is the energetic person or issue performing the action of the verb. In the 2nd clause the window is just not doing the breaking -- the Humvee is. The window is the object on the shattering. So shouldnt the Humvee be the subject Ancient grammar swamis declare yes. Difference between astromaster 70az and astromaster 90az
But a person say the sentences dont seem that different to me. Wrong. Do that- count the words. Ok fine Ill take action for you. The first example includes 28 words the other 23. Multiply that will difference five numbers whiz by the number of sentences in a manuscript. My own example was extreme lets be conservative as well as say you save a word every fifth sentence by going through your manuscript and changing as many verbs as you can via passive to effective.
Take a manuscript of Three hundred pages with an common of 300 words per page along with sentences of about Ten words... thats Being unfaithful000 sentences. Rattling. No wonder finishing the manuscript is hard. Result- you might have just cut Just one800 words or maybe six pages through your manuscript.
Why would you want to cut six webpages from your magnum opus Maybe you do not. Maybe you want to complete those six internet pages -- or twelve for anyone who is one of those ambitious those who writes 600-page manuscripts -- with beneficial information about plot persona or theme as opposed to useless words like was were simply by and that annoying suffix -ing. However its okay to simply lower. Honest. Quality is a lot more important than quantity.
Even if you dont see the visible difference in my one example make use of active verbs consistently and your writing may pop as it never ever did before. The reason is self-explanatory- its more effective and useless text arent bogging it straight down. Repeat after everyone- useless words are poor words.
The Exception That Proves your Rule
F. Scott Fitzgerald utilized the passive style. Im sure of it. When he did I think he had a good reason. My personal example might be taken from any novel in which Jenny is the protagonist. Her true love perhaps is driving the Humvee. Your Humvee is not being driven by your ex true love. So Jill not the bartenders should be the focus from the sentence. With this principle as with all others which are meant to be occasionally cracked always be aware of precisely why youre breaking it.
Youve gotta know the rules before you can discover how to break them. No one knows each of the rules. Not even us.

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