Full Size Binoculars

Help me to paint with words please.?

Thanx for looking.
I recently got an assignment to write an observing essay for my English course. Mine is about a bird. Please tell me if the intro is catchy Please

In a room with dimmed lights and large tinted windows I found a pair of binoculars, a row of benches and number of plaques with pictures. An odor of freshly opened bag of potatoe chips was filling the room as a little girl enjoyed her snack. Surprised and full of desire to tell others the girl said “Look, look mommy a bird” as she was looking outside through the window of the bird watching room. Outside, among standing tall green mature trees on a small grassy area, nearly twice the size of normal living room, in a nice calm weather birds she saw bird picking on fresh meal of their favorite seeds. Two waterfalls and three bird feeders make a heavenly environment for all creatures that enjoy fresh sip of water and a meal.

What were the pictures on the wall of? If not relevent, why mention them? I like the line about the potatoe chip odor. I think standing tall green mature trees is a bit too much, a little redundant, and too obvious. Of course the trees are standing and you expect them to be green. Maybe: Outside, the trees were tall and lush in their maturity. Not the best line, but better I think. A "small" grassy area wouldn't be twice the size of a normal living room would it? That whole sentence is too long and doesn't quite make sense. Maybe it should be seperated into two sentences. After the above sentence maybe: Their long limbs made a canopy for the birds to sit under and enjoy their favorite seeds.
Overall, it's okay, but it doesn't really make me see everything. I can see the girl when I read it, but not the beautiful outdoors, and not the birds. It needs a little tweaking ,and yes it needs something about how the birds look.

Good Luck!




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